Just when you thought that Apple could not get any more sucky, the fruity cargo cult has dusted off the Irish kings of suck, U2 to back its latest product. Famous normally for backing Coldplay, Apple has decided to head to the 1980s to find its cool with the iPhone 6.

The rumour is that Apple produce something lackluster so the only way to be sure that people will think that Tim Cook is producing something great is that if he is dwarfed by some aging Irish rockers. According to journalists in Ireland, the band has been rumoured to have shot a music video in Dublin starring the next generation iPhone.

To be fair U2 do get something out of it, they are releasing a new album this year and need a bit of publicity in case people from 2014 have forgotten who they are. Apple has worked with U2 before. In 2004, Apple released the U2 iPod, which came in a distinctive black-and-red colour scheme.

IT was somewhat muted when Bono announced that he and the band had talked about creating an iPod years before Steve Jobs invented it. It is not clear if Bono thinks he invented the rounded rectangle. In honour of the occasion U2 might change the lyrics of its iconic “name of love” song.

One Jobs come in the name of dosh

One Jobs has come and go

One Jobs come he to justify

No products but just a show

In the name of Jobs!

What more in the name of Jobs?

In the name of Jobs!

What more? In the name of Jobs!

One man bought an expensive phone

One man couldn’t resist

One man sacrificed his journo cred

To write an Apple press release

In the name of Jobs!

What more in the name of Jobs?

In the name of Jobs!

What more? In the name of Jobs!

Early morning, October 5

Emails shot out of the Cappuccino Cloud

Homeopathic cures took your life

They could not shut your cult

In the name of Jobs!

What more in the name of Jobs?

In the name of Jobs!

What more in the name of Jobs?