The fruit themed cargo cult Apple has decided that the only way to prop up its falling share price is to buy them itself. Apple has bought $14 billion of its stock in the two weeks since it reported disappointing first-quarter results.

Apple bought $12 billion of shares via an accelerated share repurchase program (ASR) and $2 billion of shares from the open market, the spokesman said. According to CEO Tim Cook Apple was surprised by the 8 percent decline in its shares on January 28, the day after it reported quarterly results. After all, why would people ditch shares just because a company has not released any new products and is seeing its profits fall?

In case you forgot Tim, Apple shares fell after the company reported lower-than-expected holiday-period iPhone sales and issued a weak revenue forecast. The idea is that because there are less shares out there, the price will go up and trigger more interest from the stock market. Hopefully everyone will forget that you are having a bad time in China and have really not got any new ideas.