Expect a visit from the boys 

Media streaming outfit Netflix has earned the wrath of the Tame Apple Press by working a way around paying a huge amount to the fruity cargo cult Apple for doing very little.

Comes with more holes than swiss cheese

The Tame Apple Press is scratching its head to come up with a reason why its favourite software maker’s latest operating system iOS is so borked that the company has had to release an update a couple of months before it is going to unveil iOS 16.

We invented cures for everything

Fruity cargo cult Apple seems to believe that it is a major force in the health industry.  Despite not having a single health product in any hospital, the outfit published a nearly 60-page report utlining all its health features and partnerships with medical institutions.

Colombia first to bite 

Fruity cargo cult Apple is starting to see sales bans due to a 5G patent infringement dispute between it and Ericsson.

But claims they are fast anyway due to magic CPU

Fruity cargo-cult might have been a little creative when it came to the benchmark speeds for its latest shiney toys and when questioned about it is claiming that the M2 chip covers all sins. 

And they are not replacing him

The Tame Apple Press is waking up to its worst nightmare this morning – Apparently, Apple’s inventor of the rounded rectangle has given up on the outfit.

Apparently, sex pests can’t own them without telling the authorities

A sex pest was jailed for a year after ignoring a court order which prevented him from using a shiny iPad unless he told coppers first.

Offers millions to the first to break it

The Tame Apple Press has wet itself as their favourite company has released a security system for iOS 16, iPadOS 16, and macOS Ventura which it claims will protect high profile targets from government style attacks.

Enforcement might be impossible

EU lawmakers gave the thumbs up to landmark rules to rein in tech giants such as Alphabet unit Google, Amazon, Apple, Facebook and Microsoft, but enforcement could be hampered by regulators' limited resources.

Pull the udder one new chips only going to be for top of the range machines

Fruity cargo cult Apple has worked out that the best way to squeeze more cash from its dying iPhone cash cow is to drive users to pricy flagship models.