Finally getting Windows

Fruity cargo cult Apple is hoping to turn its iPad toy into a more useful tool by copying Microsoft Windows.

Even though it said users didn’t want it

Fruity cargo cult Apple is merging its iPhone and Mac Apps by 2021 despite previously saying users did not want it.

It is fake news; they are perfect and if they look like they are bending they are not really

Fruity cargo cult Apple has retracted its confession that the iPad Pro bends it like Beckham.

Rumours of less

The dark satanic rumour mill says Apple's upcoming iPad Pro models will feature slightly smaller bodies, a relocated Smart Connector, and no headphone jack.

Anger on the web

Apple's advert for the multi-tasking capability of the iPad Pro and iOS 11 is managing to get people really cross.

Wants to hold on to market share

A report said that Apple will introduce a 9.7-inch iPad next year, with a comparatively low price tag.

The game changer which disappeared from human records

A game changing Ancient Babylonian tablet runs an advanced form of trigonometry which is more accurate than the system used today – it also does not require a battery.

That's a nice little search engine we would hate for it to be broken

Google is shelling out billions of dollars in protection to the fruity tax-dodging cult Apple so that it can stay the default search engine on iPhones and iPads.

Ipad and iPhone might have crashed a plane

Fruity cargo-cult Apple has agreed to help a French inquiry into a plane crash.

Wrong sort of religious hatred 

It turns out that it was not Donald (Prince of Orange’s) hatred of all things Muslim that led to US and UK bans on laptops in aircraft last week – but an Apple iPad.