For those who came in late, the EC angered the Fruity Cargo Cult Apple by insisting that all phones must use the USB-C standard, meaning that Jobs’ Mob’s attempts to squeeze more cash from users by using exotic dongles and cables were outlawed.
Now Brussels has reminded everyone that you can bypass the rules entirely by just not having a port.
This delightful loophole came courtesy of a clarification from the EU’s mouthpiece, which confirmed that devices that can’t be charged via a cable don’t need to bother with USB-C at all. So if your phone only slurps juice through the ether—it’s EU-compliant.
Cue evil laughter from Cupertino, where the Fruity Cargo Cult Apple had reportedly been rumoured to be going fully portless for years, especially for its rumoured wafer-thin iPhone 17 Air.
However, fears of an EU backlash allegedly led them to shelve it—until now. With the Commission’s green light, the path is cleared for Apple to resurrect its dystopian dream of a completely sealed, minimalist slab.
Samsung is also eyeing the exit ramp from USB-C with its alleged Galaxy S25 Edge, another potential candidate for portless puritanism. If either of these launches without a physical charging port, expect the rest of the industry to follow suit more quickly than a knockoff MagSafe charger flies off a nightstand.
Naturally, third-party accessory makers are now salivating at the prospect. With wireless charging stands becoming non-optional, they’re about to have a field day.
The already ridiculous market for inductive bricks, pads, pucks, docks, and “smart” bedside lamps with built-in Qi coils is about to explode. And once again, we, the humble users, will be left with drawers full of obsolete USB-C cables to join the ever-growing graveyard of Lightning and Micro USB relics.
The European Commission hinted that it might follow up with wireless charging if things become too complicated.
They've pledged to “monitor” the situation for market fragmentation, which is EU-speak for “we’re watching you, Apple.” If Job’s Mob tries to build another proprietary walled garden around wireless power the way it did with Lightning, don’t be surprised if Brussels returns with its regulatory hammer cocked.
