Musk will not be allowed to order Ukraine to surrender

The Pentagon has announced that it will purchase Starlink satellite internet terminals from SpaceX to provide communication capabilities to Ukraine as it defends itself against a full-scale Russian invasion.

“Evil rating” level up

The US Food and Drugs Administration (FDA) has decided that despite a high death rate amongst his animal test subjects, it is ok for Elon [look at me] Musk to test installing chips into human brains.

Probably giving up on it next year

Most Americans who used Twitter took a break in the past year and many say they will abandon the site in the next year, according to a Pew Research Centre survey.

Just like he did Tesla 

The soon to be former supreme twit Elon [look at me] Musk claims he invented OpenAI and even came up with the name.

Censorship is fine so long as I am doing it

Supreme Twit Elon [look at me] Musk has been accused of being rather selective regarding free speech and is allowing Turkish ruler Recep Tayyip Erdoğan to censor his rivals before crucial elections.

Linda Yaccarino handed a poisoned chalice

Former supreme twit Elon [Look at Me] Musk has named Linda Yaccarino as the new Twitter CEO who will come in and attempt to make it all work after he has pretty much destroyed the company. 

She starts in six weeks

Supreme Twit Elon [look at me] Musk has finally admitted that the social notworking business is a lot harder than it looks and has hired a new CEO (not pictured) to sort it out for him.

Musk asks if nazi shooter really was a nazi

Supreme twit Elon [look at me] Musk’s Twitter is the go-to site if you want graphic pictures from Saturday’s mass shooting in Texas which killed nine and wounded seven.

Musk wins but animals less likely to live

Elon Musk’s (pictured left) brain-implant venture Neuralink has filled an animal-research oversight board with company insiders who may stand to benefit financially as the firm reaches development goals.

Only by thy blue tick thou shalt know him

Supreme Twit Elon [Look at me] Musk is squaring off against the Vatican over Pope Francis and his officials right to exist on Twitter without them acknowledging the authority of his blue tick and paying up.