iPhone 12 that is

Many outlets covered the rumor that Apple plans to delay its 5G iPhone because of COVID-19 and Foxconn production capacity issues but as we suspected, the rumors turn out to be premature.

Situation is grave when that happens

While many Chinese phone vendors are reporting that sales are starting to go up again, Apple is not one of them because it is behind on 5G.

It is like Game of Thrones, with the wrong type of boobies

Apple’s Information Systems & Technology [IS&T] department which builds much of the company's internal technology tools is completely paranoid and dysfunctional, according to a former staffer.

Can’t handle big stuff

Mac users are experiencing occasional system crashes after updating to macOS Catalina version 10.15.4, released a few weeks ago and it turns out that the software might not be up to snuff.

Is amazed at how dull their life is

The Tame Apple Press is mortified to discover that a hacker has managed to find three holes in Safari and use them to take control of the camera of any Apple PC.

Anti-competative

 Tile, which helps users find missing items,said it is completely lost why the convicted monopolist Apple's anti-competative antics are getting worse.

We invented the weather

Apple has given a popular weather app a pile of cash and told it to shut off Android users from the service.

Bigger things to worry about

The Tame Apple Press is having to face up to the fact that the coronavirus might have killed off any chance Jobs’ Mob might have had sorting out the declining demand for its iPhone.

Plenty of time, it is not as if anyone else has 5G out there

Fruity cargo cult Apple is considering sitting on installing 5G in its coming phones.

Software genii strike again

The fruity cargo cult Apple’s software genii have had yet another success developing VPN software which reveals all its users secrets and stops traffic from being encrypted.