Mysteriously can’t invent it after allat 

Apple is scrapping a blood-oxygen feature from its new smartwatches - the Series 9 and Ultra 2 - to avoid a US ban over a patent row with Masimo.

Tim Cook trousers $63 million despite slashing his pay target by 40 per cent

Apple boss Tim Cook has bagged a whopping $63 million in 2023, even though he had cut his pay target by 40 per cent from the previous year.

Don’t call them Vision Pro apps

Fruity cargo cult Apple is trying to slap some daft rules on those who want to release apps for its overpriced Vision Pro’s visionOS.

Apple in a jam

Apple is facing a massive lawsuit from the US Justice Department over its dirty tricks to keep the iPhone on top.

Can’t complain, must not grumble

The Tame Apple Press are terrified as arch-enemy Microsoft overtakes its favourite company as the world’s most valuable.

Only other types of turkey

The US government has banned imports and sales of Apple Watches that use a technology that rips off a medical company, after President Joe Biden's refused to step and help Jobs' Mob out.

We must do something catch up

Desperate to recover the ground lost by dropping the ball on AI, Apple claims that it has a secret plan to make iPhones smart by allowing them to chat like a real person.

Foldable tablets vapourware talked about 

The Tame Apple Press has been waxing large about how Apple will bring advanced OLED screens to iPads and MacBooks and is considering introducing foldable tablets.

Safety reasons -- Apple users are idiots

General Motors has cited safety as the reason it decided to phase out Apple CarPlay and Android Auto and move to built-in infotainment systems developed with Google.

More Macs and iPads expected

Fruity cargo cult Apple plans to rescue its falling sales figures by releasing several new models and upgrades for early next year.