Thou shalt not have any gods before Steve Jobs

The fruity cargo cult Apple has taken its first stand against rival religions by banning fanboys from celebrating the most significant holiday on the Christian calendar.

Comedy programming strikes again

The fruity cargo cult Apple’s comedy programming team have come up with a super, cool, well designed, bug which crashes your phone, iwatch, iPad or apple television by pressing a single letter.

Don't stick it on your desk or anywhere useful

Apple's overpriced, overhyped speakers have a feature that Amazon, and Google don't – they destroy anything wooden they are placed on.

Don't do what we did

Bill Gates warned other tech giants that they risk the kind of nightmarish government intervention that once plagued Microsoft if they continue to act arrogantly.

Countering the Tame Apple Press

The Tame Apple Press is doing its best to flog Apple's overpriced mono speaker by saying that the sound quality is equal to $1,000 speakers. However, the Consumer Reports magazine is having none of that and is warning punters to ignore the hype.

Arrest those who insist we pay tax

Apple has asked the French courts to protect it from those who insist that the company pay its tax bill.

Repair bill not cool for cats

Apple fanboys who think it is essential to buy its HomeHub not-so-smart speaker for three times the cost of more intelligent models from its rivals are being shocked to discover that Jobs’ Mob is gouging them for more cash to cover "repairs".

You get what you pay for

If you paid out more than a $1,200 for an iPhone which similar features to one half the price you would expect it to make phone calls without borking? Apparently not.

There is one born every minute

Apple fanboys have managed to make the sale of the HomePod a success according to the Apple fanzine the Inquirer.

So much for game changers

The market for game-changing, super cool keyboardless netbooks is slumping lower than Donald Trump’s approval rating amongst educated black women.