Worse than I predicted

Seven years after Apple launched Siri in its iPhone, the bloke who developed the tech is shocked at how slowly she has evolved.

Jobs' Mob called out in court

A California state lawmaker wants Apple to explain why it has opposed and lobbied against legislation that would make it easier for its users to repair their iPhones and other expensive toys.

Cargo cult less of a hotbed of loyalty

The days of Apple depending on Android users to defect while maintaining its own loyal fanbase are over, according to a new survey.

... with a keyboard that fights crumbs

Fruity cargo cult Apple, which is having huge problems with coming up with anything new, has developed a keyboard which can see off humanity's greatest enemy – the crumb.

It could not happen to a nicer multinational

Apple is about to lose its crown as the world's most valuable publicly listed company and will be beaten by Amazon.com to the $1 trillion mark.

Tame Apple Press commemorates Steve Jobs' brilliance

Desperate that its favourite toymaker seems unable to come up with new products, the Tame Apple Press has gone all nostalgic about something Apple did in 1989.

Finally, it has realised how bad it is

Someone in the Apple spaceship has finally realised that its iTunes product is rubbish and probably can't be saved.

So much for security

A two year old has managed to lock his mum out of her iPhone for 48 years thanks to Apple's super secure worth every penny form of security.

Claims they will sound better

Apple's recent move into the speaker market has shown that it can convince stupid people that it can make "high-quality"  hi-end sound equipment and now it thinks it can make the same move on the headphone market.

Soon everyone will have a nose as thin, flat and as useless as an iPhone

As Steve Jobs lay dying, his last project was a super-cool headquarters where his staff could beaver away in his absence.